I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
