My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
