this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
