Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
