Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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