Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
