he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
