Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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