if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
