he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
