return my video game
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
