i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
