I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
