i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
