his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
