I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
