my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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