Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
