seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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