so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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