i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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