I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
