This is not my ceiling
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
