Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
