i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
