Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
