Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
