Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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