hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
