I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
