Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
