I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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