Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
