I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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