look no pants
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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