He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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