Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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