i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
