The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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