She's JV to your varsity
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
