i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
