SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
