I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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