So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
