shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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