New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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