the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
