Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
