What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
