I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
