remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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