1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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