you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
