this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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