Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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