We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
