Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
