i permit you to call me
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
