I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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