Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
