I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
