So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I cut my penus on the lid.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
