Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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