the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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