I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
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The struggles of a small town man whore
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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