im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize