Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
