I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
