My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
