dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
