Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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