I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
