My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
